Washington, D.C. — In a groundbreaking survey conducted by the Institute of Absolutely Unserious Suggestions, Americans from coast to coast have offered unparalleled insights into how President Joe Biden can skyrocket back to popularity. The results, though utterly nonsensical, are believed to be the key to the Commander-in-Chief’s road to acclaim.

  1. Ice Bath Diplomacy: Respondents overwhelmingly recommended a daily ice bath ritual lasting precisely one hour to rejuvenate Biden’s popularity. The rationale? A blue-hued President would undoubtedly bring a chill factor to international relations, literally cooling down geopolitical tensions.
  2. Animal Magnetism: Many participants urged Biden to adopt a fleet of exotic pets to boost his appeal. Suggestions ranged from a diplomatic sloth as a sidekick to a parrot that could deliver foreign policy speeches. Unconfirmed reports indicate that Biden is currently in talks with a circus for a traveling entourage of political pandas.
  3. Executive Dance-Offs: To showcase his sprightly side, citizens proposed that Biden engage in dance-offs with world leaders. The spectacle, dubbed “Biden’s Boogie Diplomacy,” aims to prove that disco diplomacy is the key to global harmony. Rumor has it that Boris Johnson is already practicing his twerking routine.
  4. Emoji Press Conferences: A cutting-edge proposal involves replacing traditional press conferences with emoji-driven communication. Imagine the President responding to serious questions with a series of heart-eyed emojis and thumbs up, signaling a new era of emotional governance.
  5. Executive TikTok Career: To connect with the youth, respondents urged Biden to abandon politics for a flourishing career on TikTok. Popular suggestions included dance challenges, lip-syncing to policy speeches, and collaborating with influencers on “Biden’s Basement Chronicles.”
  6. Holographic State of the Union: In a bid to make the State of the Union Address more captivating, citizens called for a holographic extravaganza. Biden would appear as a 3D projection, occasionally throwing holographic confetti to punctuate crucial policy points.

While these recommendations might sound as ludicrous as a squirrel hosting a press briefing, experts argue that embracing the absurd may just be the ticket to Joe Biden’s popularity redemption. As the nation waits for the White House to consider these groundbreaking proposals, one thing is certain – America is ready for a president who leads with laughter and levity.