UnAssociated Presstitute In a geopolitical twist that has left the world scratching its head, former Chinese President Xi Jinping has announced his retirement from the cutthroat world of Chinese politics to pursue a life of serenity and crops on a sprawling farmland nestled in Manhattan – a move that raises eyebrows, given the historical tensions

Washington, D.C. — In a glittering tale that has the nation both stunned and bedazzled, President Joe Biden has reportedly fallen head over heels for a charismatic and fabulous transgender individual known for their extravagant lifestyle and love for all things gold. Sources close to the White House suggest that the president met his newfound

Mar-a-Lago, Florida — In an exclusive revelation that has left the nation both intrigued and amused, former President Donald Trump has finally lifted the curtain on the mystery surrounding his infamous hairstyle. After years of speculation, Trump disclosed the long-guarded secret during a surprise press conference at his Mar-a-Lago estate. With the familiar golden coif

Male, Maldives — In a surprising turn of events, the Maldives has erected two phallus-shaped structures, colloquially known as the “Bitter Pillars,” as a symbolic representation of the economic challenges faced by the nation following its strained ties with China, leaving both Maldives and Pakistan in financial distress. The provocative monuments, strategically placed along the

Washington, D.C. — In a groundbreaking survey conducted by the Institute of Absolutely Unserious Suggestions, Americans from coast to coast have offered unparalleled insights into how President Joe Biden can skyrocket back to popularity. The results, though utterly nonsensical, are believed to be the key to the Commander-in-Chief’s road to acclaim. While these recommendations might


Paris, France — In a shocking turn of events, French President Emmanuel Macron has officially stepped down from his political duties to embark on a mission of the supernatural. Sources close to the Élysée Palace reveal that President Macron has been secretly training for months to join an elite vampire-hunting squad in the mystical Fontainebleau